Ha! If I was really writing out my thoughts on this here screen, week-in and week-out, we’d probably see some serious fireworks. I’d be in hot water. In fact, there are people who would never want to speak to me again. If I really said what I thought…

Except…

Except that a few times over the last couple years, in a deep coaching session, I’ve been prompted to let loose those innermost nuggets and twisted thoughts in my mind. The down-deep-in-there things. The scary and junky stuff that I usually hold back and keep secret from the world…

Yes, in these moments, the person working with me, serving me, and helping me, has encouraged and empowered the freedom to really speak. To be present in sounding and voicing my own truth. To express and release everything and anything, out loud. It all comes, my own ears hear it. I unload. It’s a crazy thing.

As stated a couple weeks ago, that stuff comes first with tons of emotion and maybe tears too. Like a dam busted wide open, it carries debris, and dirt, tree trunks, cars, lives. In the first wave. Then we go again, and it still has rushing raging power, a torrent. Then again, and it’s force wanes. Two more times lessening and slowing, and then a blank mind. It actually becomes hard to bring that same emotion. It’s the dead-peace spot in the mind, where a fire of something emotional burned before.

Then we try again, and the corner is turned. I get to re-create the thought from a place of well being. Then it gets fun. I can laugh and be silly and the monster under the bed is a little ragdoll puppet with a stupid face, that makes me giggle, and no more.

These thoughts, that I have hidden from the world, at times from myself, are only powerful and have grip on me, because they live in the dark. Like monster mushrooms sprouting from piles of emotional sh!t, deep down in the dark places. As long as I keep them hidden they can thrive and seem scary. In the light of day, they’re small and shrivel at the bright beaming sunlight, they melt and fade, and I get to move on without them, forever.

So…

Hmm… Could I really say what is on my mind? Could I really let these things out, so they can’t keep me in emotional bondage anymore? I can with practice. I could in small bites. I can find myself in the midst of an emotional vice, a fight of feelings, a situation, and I can do what I normally wouldn’t; let out the deep stuff! It’s like a pressure release valve. It just makes all the tension disappear. I gotta let it go, and keep working till all the energy is gone. Taking responsibility MYSELF, for the way I’ve been affected and eaten up, by this pet monster that I’ve been boarding in my gut, my heart. It’s MY PROBLEM, that I’ve kept this thought and believed this thought long enough that it has grip over me. It’s MY CHOICE that I continue to hold this thought in deep esteem and give it dark energy.

I can choose a New Thought.

Here’s one: I don’t care anymore about that thought! I don’t have to care! I don’t have to have my world based on this one thing being perfect. I can decide to be happy anyway, even when things are messed up. Wow.

Here’s two: My thought about this thing is inaccurate. I can’t be 100% sure that what I think is actually true. I can’t get behind someone else’s eyeballs and think what they are thinking. I am making a judgement and guess as to the why’s or what’s of someone else’s world. It ain’t mine to worry about.

Here’s three: I can make the decision that my mental energy is more important than this little issue or problem or opinion. I can decide that my time and energy are worth more to me, than to spend any more of myself on it. I’m worth more than that. I’m moving on to ‘What’s Next?’

And finally: I can re-read this mind-bending world-changing quote on my desk from Byron Katie.

“Forgiveness is the discovery that what you thought happened… didn’t.”

Dang, that would be a good one to practice. Forgiveness.

A major challenge to me, is to embody forgiveness, to others, to myself. But I’m working on it. Playing and working with Coaches, shows me the power and healing produced when someone else takes their energy and time, to show me what I can’t possibly see myself.

My own power. My own image. My forces that I create can’t be observed by me. They must be told to me by another observer. A trained and guided soul, that wants the best for me, always. A soul that doesn’t want what the world wants, or the what the neighbors or the family wants, or even the church or my wife, at times. A coach can go beyond, and open our eyes to a whole world we are capable of serving. A coach can teach us more about ourselves in a short time, than we can learn on our own, through the only other method, trial and error.

A coach tests us. A coach challenges us. A coach wants to push our buttons and get all the junk to come to the surface. So then we can play life from a new perspective. We can travel lighter and free-er, make more powerful strides without the dusty baggage we’ve held onto so long.

A coach is a teacher, a teacher who’s focus is on a special subject; Me. Do I want to learn more about Me? Do I want to engage in classes and study around the only one thing I can actually control in this world? Do I want to let loose the grip of the chains that have held Me back from my own potential? Do I want to have new and better answers to old and tired questions about Who I am? What am I here for? Why do I feel like this? How does better happen? I’ve only got one Me. Do I want to invest and exercise and empower Me? Do I want to transform and see real life metamorphosis, in my own life?

Yup.

I do.

That’s what I do. That’s what I think is a good thing to do. There are lots of ways, but a coach is possibly the best. I could talk all day long about complaints I see or hear from the world, in person or broadcast on facebook, that I see in a different way. I see complaints and fears and victimization by everything around us as a call for help. Not as the way it is.

There are lots of things I could rant about here. There is still a small army of monster mushrooms of junky thoughts lurking in my basement. Today, as I type about them, they are the ones getting scared now. They are the ones who should be afraid. As I step forward and own myself and grow again and grow again, these things can’t worry me no more. Maybe there are folks out there who wouldn’t want to hear what is down in my gut. Maybe someone is afraid I would talk about them. Maybe these are powerful things in their world too, and habits or ‘personalities’ that need exposed, don’t want to be.

Maybe it’s time they do. Maybe it’s time, we dredge the darkness and dump the junk out on on the table. Then we talk in the daylight and examine this stuff. We’ll see how small and squishy and meek these fears are.

The things that stop us in our tracks are the tiny rope that holds an elephant in place. As a young calf, they used a mighty chain. It tried and tried and failed. It learned it couldn’t break free. Later in life, any small line around it’s foot, keeps it locked in place. So Sad.

We are mighty snorting powerful animals and just as gentle and loving too. Are we using all our strengths? Or only the ones our Masters want us to express?

Let’s become our own masters. Let’s use choice and decision and asking for trouble to step up our game. Let’s invite challenge and brave the weather and enjoy this amazing thing called life, instead of being trapped by it.

I haven’t even started yet, on the stuff I think is too strong to type out here, but be careful, it’s coming. Unsubscribe to my blog, if you’re worried. If you like normal. If you think I’m a little crazy. Do it Now. At least do something Now. Instead of the same-ol same-ol. Please.

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

These drawings and notes today reflect some of the ‘stuff I do’ for myself to play the games My Coach invites me to play. I invite you to play too. Start with our Hangout Invite.

Want to talk more about ‘Hiding Monsters Under the Bed’?

You’re invited to join the next weirdforgood hangout, and engage in a workshop – you’ll need a free Google+ account, 45minutes to engage with us, at 5:30 CST, and device with a camera & headset/microphone. If you can Skype, you can do this, (it’s actually really easy  ) Then email me at aaron@truenorthffc.com – before Tuesday – I’ll send you the hangout invite when we start.

Check out last week’s hangout here, to get a feel for it. Join us if you dare!

My wife Needed me, on Valentine’s Day…

Oh yeah, she needed me baaaaaad!

to work, at the restaurant, that is 🙂

4 years ago at the ripe old age of 26, Lindsay, and her brother and her Dad went into the Restaurant business. They bought The Brand’N Iron Bar and Grill in Princeton, KS, in 2008. Last night, St. Valentine’s Dinner, was possibly the biggest, most packed, slammed and all-out crazay nights they’ve ever experienced.

It was wild. At the crack of 4:30 people started in. Tables were quickly full and before long it was standing room only. We had the rail full of tickets in the kitchen. The handwritten orders were stuck together in batches and climbing all the way up to the ceiling, held strong by thick black circle magnets on the massive hood over the grill.

Our salad prep area had stacks of bowls ready to go out. The waitresses were flying in, and flying out while dishes clanked and clattered into the sinks. Almost every order was our best stuff. Steaks and Steaks and Shrimp and Bakes. Dang good meals. In 4 hours we sold over a week’s worth of steaks. All our extra food we had planned for, was gone by Seven O Clock. Halfway through the night, we were down to only our regular menu, and the orders kept pilling in.

We had extra staff, but needed more. Family members in for dinner and even customers were jumping in to buss tables and help with seating people. Some of the regulars were giving up their spots before they ordered, after they’d already waited a long time. We were moving through the food orders, but with serious thick cut steaks and limited grill space, it just takes awhile… So there we were, in a perfect moment that we’re all looking for…

Peace.

I know, I know… maybe not everyone would see peace in this moment, but it was there. Among the noise and sizzle, in between the slamming doors of refrigerators and stacks of dishes, there was peace. As the jumbo shrimps were placed onto massive 20 oz. cuts of succulent Prime Rib, there was peace. As the waitresses yelled out adjustments to the tickets as we ran out of item after item, in disbelief, there was peace. As I worked at my post; the Fry Boy, the Sides Guy, Mashed Man, helping with plating and garden and fetching stuff from the walk-in, this peace was sublimely apparent in fleeting moments…

Peace came in these words: What’s Next.

I believe our human systems were really designed for these amazing experiences. Every person on our staff, and even customers too were all in this thing together, working as hard as possible on these two words: What’s Next. See, from my position, I have a timeline, a future, a place for plenty of worry; The Rail. The rail that holds our tickets shows me the bulk and depth of our work ahead. It glares at me with faces of people and hungry bellies. It says, ‘Holy Crap, tons and tons of meals are yet to be cooked. And some have been up here awhile.’ That rail, that future work, can get into your head. It can kill your productivity. Spending even a moment contemplating this reality, is wasting our time.

The only place where my thoughts, my energy or my precious physical movements are useful is on this one clearly defined action: What’s next.

With Hundreds of items prepared last night, for lots of hungry people; patrons, appreciated customers of our beloved business, there was only ONE thing to do at any given time. That was the One Next Thing.

Living in a true moment of What’s Next, is Peace.

No matter how much, I would have loved to jump into the future and clear out a dozen tickets instantly, it isn’t possible. As much as I would have loved to kick back for a moment, relaxing and reflecting on the dozens of tickets we’d already completed and meals previously served, that would cause havoc, a pile-up. Being anywhere mentally into my past, or into my future: a grave mistake. Maybe others in our midst, lived there. We had a couple problems, some irritable customers. They had waited awhile, I’m sure. We had to make some adjustments. And they let us know of their distress. Once the delicious food came though, the complaints were quieted. Those fine folks had locked into their own present moment then. They weren’t living in the dramatic moments before, when their mind and belly was worried the food may never come. They were ready and enjoying the meals now. They found their own: What’s Next. And that was EAT 🙂

I saw red cheeks on our hardworking waitstaff. I saw constant deliberate orchestrated movement among us three cooks (Owners of this place). I heard request after request being filled through bold action and instant decision making. I saw compassion and help and generosity from those out front, who recognized the needs and jumped to assist. Everyone rose the occasion.

That my friends is Peace. This is what Peace looks like. Intentional All Out Work Toward a Common Goal. And I will go back to double-check myself, but one thing I will not say about this night, is that we were Busy.

Busy is word that sucks. I believe people have ruined it. Our culture holds in it high esteem. Rarely does Busy look like this. Busy is a lame excuse for not being our best selves. We use Busy to explain why were not doing what we really want to be doing. Or why we can’t commit to something great. Or Busy is the way to say, ‘Yeah, I’m a normal person, I’m doing my little part, I’m not going to share anything of value, or say what’s really up in my world’, I’ll just tell you ‘I’m Busy’ and we’ll leave it at that. ‘I’m actually so Busy, I don’t have time to talk about anything of substance. We’ll converse again soon, if I can find time, in my busy-ness, to talk about how busy we both are, see you then.’ 

We were not busy, We were being our Best, playing full out, in the Peacefully amazing world of: What’s Next?

In this world,

• Worry doesn’t exist. ‘There’s no space for it.’
• Self consciousness; holding back doesn’t exist: ‘There is a need, I can help, NOW.’
• Needing to be motivated or have will-power is a ridiculous concept: ‘Stuff needs Done, I’ll Do It!’
• Social norms or being polite or staying out of each other’s way can’t happen: ‘We’ll bump, we’ll push, we’ll talk loud and ask for what we need, It’s All Important.’
• Perfect-ness or Doing-it-all-Correctly, doesn’t exist either, mistakes are happening, it’s part of this process: ‘Act Fast, Fail Fast, Adjust Fast.’

Want proof that this is a good thing, that this what we’re really designed for and built for? The conversation among the staff at 10:00, with beer bottles clanking as the final tables are wiped down, and the last few patrons are paying up, is like this: “Wow, what an amazing night, did you see everyone jumping in to help? Did you see all the people that came to have dinner with us? It is amazing how smooth it went, with so much to be done, so quickly. Time was flying by, and I didn’t even notice it passing.Thank You everyone for your efforts and help and Wow!” We were all alive with energy and invigorated afterward!

That is what peace looks like. Uptempo Gratitude and Loving Exhaustion from Serving people to the best of our abilities in the moment. I was truly blessed to be able to be a part of this divinely gifted moment of: What’s Next.

Now… how can I serve the world again today? What is on my plate and where do I go from here? I guess I look up at the Rail of Tickets of my life, and live into, “What’s Next!”

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

Want to talk more about ‘What’s Next’ for you?

You’re invited to join the next weirdforgood hangout, and engage in a workshop on Exhausting Love Making on Valentine’s Day – you’ll need a free Google+ account, 45minutes to engage with us, at 5:30 CST, and device with a camera & headset/microphone. If you can Skype, you can do this, (it’s actually really easy  ) Then email me at aaron@truenorthffc.com – before Tuesday – I’ll send you the hangout invite when we start.

Check out last week’s hangout here, to get a feel for it. Join us if you dare!

“Do you think I ‘Get’ How the world works?”

Damn, It’s a looong, exhausting and crazy journey to indifference sometimes.

This week it was a challenge, a fight; wrestling and struggle. I was burning inside, with a bonfire of insecurity. Someone else had ignited the flame, it seemed. It felt at first, that words spoken in a probing conversation by a loved and trusted person, forced me into this red-hot corner. I spent hours and hours agonizing, analyzing and intellectually proving my own points, in my own head, and whinigly out loud to my wife. I was singed and raw and lashing out in retaliation after the phone was hung up. I was defending myself, from this brutal emotional attack. Until I asked for real help, and created sweet relief.

Here’s the Big One. Here’s a question that I would have been terrified to ask you, before Wednesday afternoon…

“Do you think I ‘Get’ How the world works?”

Wow. Damn. This morning, typing those words is so plain-jane and uneventful. I wonder if this post will have any impact at all? But the truth is, I just laid out here, a deep and painful insecurity of my own, that I’ve been lugging around for 3 decades or so…

Yeah, the question of Do I Get it? Or am I screwing up this life, because everyone else has the world figured out, and I don’t. I really want to flesh out, the depth and breadth of this  vicious pet insecurity, and sharp-toothed mental terror of mine. It looks sorta like this:

• “See! What you don’t understand is, what you’re doing is a waste. People don’t want you, and you don’t get it. The world don’t work that way!”
• “Everyone knows you can’t just switch your life upside-down! You are, who you are, and it will always be that way!”
• “You don’t ‘get’ what real life is like, for a real person! You’re a foolish dreamer!”
• “You have wasted your potential. You have messed up your life. You’re living like a pauper and it’s a shame!”
• “You have no real life experience. You live in a tiny box in the world. You haven’t really seen or lived any significance. You have nothing special to offer anyone!
• “You definitely don’t work hard. You’re lazy, and you don’t ‘Get’ that your ideas are crack-pot and unrealistic. You just generally SUCK!”

And stuff like that… Actually, if a person were to say these things to me, and really try to twist the knife, they couldn’t be half as hurtful to me, as I have already been to myself.

So when a well meaning person, even spoke somewhere near the realm of these insecurities to me. I was pissed! I was mad at this individual. I looked at them, in my own mind, and yelled, “What gives you the right to judge me!” Except, it wasn’t them. It was me. I was judging myself, just as I had been for as long as I can remember. That is why all my efforts to prove wrong these words to another person, would have been wasted again.

I had to move through this pain and emotion in my own mind, to forgive myself. And actually it was even easier than that.

See, one thing I can tell you for sure, is that I used my IMEXCELLENTTOOL this week. When I was so pissed and upset and hurt after this conversation. I took it to an expert. I used the guidance of someone other than me, and other than my supportive wife, or even my pastor, or friends. I took it to my Coach. Funny thing was this; when I unloaded this garbage-can-full of junk on the workspace between us, she laughed. She was thrilled. She began with words of thankfulness for this person who gifted me the opportunity to fix this mess. The person who pushed my buttons, did shine a light on my wound. Now it was clear where my work needed to be done. Thank You.

She said, “This is great, because before now, you were scared to deal with your own sh!t!, it’s time that you do that!” She doesn’t pull punches 🙂

Then when she offered me an opportunity to do an extreme exercise. I took it. See, when these words “You don’t get how the world works!” were spoken, I was ablaze with emotion. Even when she said them and warned me first, the angry cry came. The exercise then, was to release that anger, that pent-up energy around those words…

It went down like this, in Forest Park, Ottawa, Kansas. I got out of the car, with my phone in my pocket and headset on. Hands and body free, she pounded me with the words of one of my own worst insecurities. I first stood on a picnic table, and breathed real deep. Swinging my arms to move the energy and anger, it wasn’t enough. She wanted more to come out… I stormed up and over the dyke. Crashing down into the woods, she pelted me again with the words “You don’t get it Aaron! You’ve got no experience in life! You SUCK!” and I ripped a dead limb from the ground and threw it! Grabbing another I was grunting and cursing and smashing wood against wood. Dead pieces flying and impact after impact finally led to a loud guttural scream! “Hit me again,” I ordered her. Again she brought the words. By now I was heaving. Stomping further into the woods, I splashed across rocks, a creek bed. Clawing up a hill, into a farmer’s field, and as I was starting to lose my breath…

… Her words were starting to lose their grip on me. I heard her saying them in my ears, but the message was dulling, it got smaller and quieter. It kinda sounded like a pipsqueak mouse, chattering at me. This wasn’t due to her pulling back, it was because I had let out, some of the emotion surrounding those words. I was sucking wind and walking in the woods. I was in a brand new place, that I had never been before.

A fifth time, I asked her to tell me how much I suck, how I don’t understand how the world works. Again she balled up a bunch of insults and smacked me with them… But this time, they floated past my awareness. I heard something coming from her, but the TREES! The TREES had my attention! Wow, God has created an amazing universe! This place is just packed with visual delights! Oh Wow, Lord, How blessed I was to get to walk in the woods that day! It was really such a warm afternoon in winter, and the paths were clear and open. This place is right here, in my hometown, and I had never walked around back here before.

Wow, was right. Once I had done the exhausting work of releasing the energy around my insecurity, it had no power over me anymore. I was laughing at Megan, and playing around with her. Bless her, she was really trying to keep me pissed off at that point, but nothin’ doing. SHE wasn’t doing it. It wasn’t from HER. Or even really from the words themselves. It was in me. I had been holding that anger. It was a ball in my own court, the whole time. And now I had released that purposely, intentionally, because it didn’t serve me well, to hang on anymore. I AM EXCELLENT.

This is the kind of work that must be done, if I am to truly help others. I gotta put the oxygen mask on myself before the person next to me. I am doing that.

And after the conversation, I was full of good energy and light. I expressed my deep love to Megan for her work with me. I wanted to talk about this idea! I wanted to find someone to ask the question of, “Do you think I Get, how the world works?” Really, I did, and I do! What a great conversation starter! The truth is that there are 7 billion people on this planet. I think each one of us is a unique and different lens through which we experience this common globe. Seems to me, there are 7 billion different versions of what the world looks like. We each see and experience something profound and wonderful, tragic and holy in different ways. So do I ‘Get’ how YOUR world works? I would like to. If you don’t think I ‘Get’ how The World works, then maybe I don’t want your opinion. Or maybe we could figure out together, what makes you want to say that about me. Among us people, there isn’t one expert. Not one of us has all the experience. We do all have something useful to offer the human collective. I am doing my service to the world, right now, in my unique way.

I see life as a movie, not a snapshot. This is a point in the film where the character has been through some dark times. There is a belief in light ahead. This valley is the way to another peak, a new view and vista. And this traveler right here, has a companion that knows the way. The one who created this place, is the one who walks with me. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

PS: This blog has been sent to the individual that I had this challenging conversation with. The initial response was ‘Very Interesting Reading.’ I do thank this person, for pushing my buttons, and allowing this growth to happen.

You’re invited to join the next weirdforgood hangout, and engage in a workshop on The Smashing Trees – you’ll need a free Google+ account, 45minutes to engage with us, at 5:30 CST, and device with a camera & headset/microphone. If you can Skype, you can do this, (it’s actually really easy  ) Then email me at aaron@truenorthffc.com – before Tuesday – I’ll send you the hangout invite when we start.

Check out last week’s hangout here, to get a feel for it. Join us if you dare!