Ha! If I was really writing out my thoughts on this here screen, week-in and week-out, we’d probably see some serious fireworks. I’d be in hot water. In fact, there are people who would never want to speak to me again. If I really said what I thought…
Except that a few times over the last couple years, in a deep coaching session, I’ve been prompted to let loose those innermost nuggets and twisted thoughts in my mind. The down-deep-in-there things. The scary and junky stuff that I usually hold back and keep secret from the world…
Yes, in these moments, the person working with me, serving me, and helping me, has encouraged and empowered the freedom to really speak. To be present in sounding and voicing my own truth. To express and release everything and anything, out loud. It all comes, my own ears hear it. I unload. It’s a crazy thing.
As stated a couple weeks ago, that stuff comes first with tons of emotion and maybe tears too. Like a dam busted wide open, it carries debris, and dirt, tree trunks, cars, lives. In the first wave. Then we go again, and it still has rushing raging power, a torrent. Then again, and it’s force wanes. Two more times lessening and slowing, and then a blank mind. It actually becomes hard to bring that same emotion. It’s the dead-peace spot in the mind, where a fire of something emotional burned before.
Then we try again, and the corner is turned. I get to re-create the thought from a place of well being. Then it gets fun. I can laugh and be silly and the monster under the bed is a little ragdoll puppet with a stupid face, that makes me giggle, and no more.
These thoughts, that I have hidden from the world, at times from myself, are only powerful and have grip on me, because they live in the dark. Like monster mushrooms sprouting from piles of emotional sh!t, deep down in the dark places. As long as I keep them hidden they can thrive and seem scary. In the light of day, they’re small and shrivel at the bright beaming sunlight, they melt and fade, and I get to move on without them, forever.
Hmm… Could I really say what is on my mind? Could I really let these things out, so they can’t keep me in emotional bondage anymore? I can with practice. I could in small bites. I can find myself in the midst of an emotional vice, a fight of feelings, a situation, and I can do what I normally wouldn’t; let out the deep stuff! It’s like a pressure release valve. It just makes all the tension disappear. I gotta let it go, and keep working till all the energy is gone. Taking responsibility MYSELF, for the way I’ve been affected and eaten up, by this pet monster that I’ve been boarding in my gut, my heart. It’s MY PROBLEM, that I’ve kept this thought and believed this thought long enough that it has grip over me. It’s MY CHOICE that I continue to hold this thought in deep esteem and give it dark energy.
I can choose a New Thought.
Here’s one: I don’t care anymore about that thought! I don’t have to care! I don’t have to have my world based on this one thing being perfect. I can decide to be happy anyway, even when things are messed up. Wow.
Here’s two: My thought about this thing is inaccurate. I can’t be 100% sure that what I think is actually true. I can’t get behind someone else’s eyeballs and think what they are thinking. I am making a judgement and guess as to the why’s or what’s of someone else’s world. It ain’t mine to worry about.
Here’s three: I can make the decision that my mental energy is more important than this little issue or problem or opinion. I can decide that my time and energy are worth more to me, than to spend any more of myself on it. I’m worth more than that. I’m moving on to ‘What’s Next?’
And finally: I can re-read this mind-bending world-changing quote on my desk from Byron Katie.
“Forgiveness is the discovery that what you thought happened… didn’t.”
Dang, that would be a good one to practice. Forgiveness.
A major challenge to me, is to embody forgiveness, to others, to myself. But I’m working on it. Playing and working with Coaches, shows me the power and healing produced when someone else takes their energy and time, to show me what I can’t possibly see myself.
My own power. My own image. My forces that I create can’t be observed by me. They must be told to me by another observer. A trained and guided soul, that wants the best for me, always. A soul that doesn’t want what the world wants, or the what the neighbors or the family wants, or even the church or my wife, at times. A coach can go beyond, and open our eyes to a whole world we are capable of serving. A coach can teach us more about ourselves in a short time, than we can learn on our own, through the only other method, trial and error.
A coach tests us. A coach challenges us. A coach wants to push our buttons and get all the junk to come to the surface. So then we can play life from a new perspective. We can travel lighter and free-er, make more powerful strides without the dusty baggage we’ve held onto so long.
A coach is a teacher, a teacher who’s focus is on a special subject; Me. Do I want to learn more about Me? Do I want to engage in classes and study around the only one thing I can actually control in this world? Do I want to let loose the grip of the chains that have held Me back from my own potential? Do I want to have new and better answers to old and tired questions about Who I am? What am I here for? Why do I feel like this? How does better happen? I’ve only got one Me. Do I want to invest and exercise and empower Me? Do I want to transform and see real life metamorphosis, in my own life?
That’s what I do. That’s what I think is a good thing to do. There are lots of ways, but a coach is possibly the best. I could talk all day long about complaints I see or hear from the world, in person or broadcast on facebook, that I see in a different way. I see complaints and fears and victimization by everything around us as a call for help. Not as the way it is.
There are lots of things I could rant about here. There is still a small army of monster mushrooms of junky thoughts lurking in my basement. Today, as I type about them, they are the ones getting scared now. They are the ones who should be afraid. As I step forward and own myself and grow again and grow again, these things can’t worry me no more. Maybe there are folks out there who wouldn’t want to hear what is down in my gut. Maybe someone is afraid I would talk about them. Maybe these are powerful things in their world too, and habits or ‘personalities’ that need exposed, don’t want to be.
Maybe it’s time they do. Maybe it’s time, we dredge the darkness and dump the junk out on on the table. Then we talk in the daylight and examine this stuff. We’ll see how small and squishy and meek these fears are.
The things that stop us in our tracks are the tiny rope that holds an elephant in place. As a young calf, they used a mighty chain. It tried and tried and failed. It learned it couldn’t break free. Later in life, any small line around it’s foot, keeps it locked in place. So Sad.
We are mighty snorting powerful animals and just as gentle and loving too. Are we using all our strengths? Or only the ones our Masters want us to express?
Let’s become our own masters. Let’s use choice and decision and asking for trouble to step up our game. Let’s invite challenge and brave the weather and enjoy this amazing thing called life, instead of being trapped by it.
I haven’t even started yet, on the stuff I think is too strong to type out here, but be careful, it’s coming. Unsubscribe to my blog, if you’re worried. If you like normal. If you think I’m a little crazy. Do it Now. At least do something Now. Instead of the same-ol same-ol. Please.
These drawings and notes today reflect some of the ‘stuff I do’ for myself to play the games My Coach invites me to play. I invite you to play too. Start with our Hangout Invite.
Want to talk more about ‘Hiding Monsters Under the Bed’?
You’re invited to join the next weirdforgood hangout, and engage in a workshop – you’ll need a free Google+ account, 45minutes to engage with us, at 5:30 CST, and device with a camera & headset/microphone. If you can Skype, you can do this, (it’s actually really easy ) Then email me at firstname.lastname@example.org – before Tuesday – I’ll send you the hangout invite when we start.
Check out last week’s hangout here, to get a feel for it. Join us if you dare!