lack·a·dai·si·cal

Will today be the day? The day I it all comes crashing down? The day the inevitable comes and the good stuff ends? Could this be the day I fail?

HA!

I sit here again in front of my screen, as I have for the last 27 months. My goal is to write my weekly blog post. For 27 months it has happened.

Yet this morning, after a late start and a ‘I’d rather be in bed’ attitude. I literally had the thought pass by, ‘What if I can’t write today? What if nothing comes out? What if this is the end of what I’ve had to say?”

Really?!?!?!

The irony here and what IS worth writing about this morning, is how easily, predictably, foolishly our natural tendency is toward Lack. At it’s root, Lack is evil. It freezes us. We can spend 27 straight months doing something once per week, then all of a sudden, in the moment, truly believe that it can’t happen again. Silly, huh? But, it’s not just that.

Lack is Fear. Fear of no more. Fear that it’s all used up. Fear that the piece of the pie is small and finite and I gotta get mine, and if you get yours, then you’re taking what I could have had. Lack is stinky stuff. When you’re on the lookout for Lack, you can see it everywhere. It is a HUGE part of our culture, our daily lives and even integral to how we’ve been taught that smart, responsible and upright citizens operate. The awareness of Lack is a sick and backwards way to navigate God’s beautiful and abundant creation.

BTW – I am again today writing this note to myself 🙂

Lack means we think we have something to lose, and will be in desperate pain if it’s gone. There is a lot of assumption in there. Our thinking that we ‘had something’ in the first place is kinda silly. We came into the world with nothing, we’ll leave with nothing, yet we try and try to accumulate, hoard and secure, then fear we’ll lose it and be left with nothing…

Right now, in this very exact moment of life, if we breathe deeply and stop the mind from straying into the future or the past, if we just breathe and feel our body relax… we can ask a profound question.

‘What is missing?’

 

 

 

 

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

 

Early Christmas Present, a Brand New World

“It’s okay to really enjoy life, right now, under these exact circumstances.”

Thank You to my Coach Megan, and to God for presenting me with one of the most powerful moments of my life this week.

I have a conversation, about me, with an amazing person every Wednesday. We work on all kinds of things, sometimes my Coaching practice, sometimes my Clients’ issues, sometimes we go deeeeeeeep… The time is around 90 minutes, the cost is pricey, the reward is astronomical, and my Coach’s name is Megan, which is just too crazy…

Last week, I completed a huge goal with her, and I was high. It was a great feeling to act and produce and serve and earn my way into an agreement we had set together. Then I crashed. The weekend was a struggle, my brain was crummy, my outlook dingy and dark.

During our call this week, she showed me something amazing. My set-point on my barometer of success, or joy, or positive accomplishment had been spiked by hitting my big goal. Therefore, an ancient and survival-based part of my lizard brain, was helping me, by bringing me back down and into balance for the next few days…

This lead to more work, deeper work. Why is my set point, well, low?

She asked if I had anything happen, early in my life, that may have given me a reason to believe something like: “When good things happen, something bad will follow soon.” or “It’s not okay to feel really happy for any extended period of time.”

…Umm probably 🙂

So we started an exercise, a meditation, a journey into the mind, mine.

We did deep breathing, I let things go. I thought of my Dad. I was actually thinking about the little 4 year old version of me, who was the last part of me, who saw my Dad before he died. I was following Megan’s lead through this vision. I was aware of upset and anger, I was aware of tears and sad faces. I was aware that there were still parts of me, who hurt because I lost my Dad at a young age, and I missed him, and I grew up without him, and I resented that too. I saw my own faces standing in darkness, they needed my help now.

We talked about a brilliant column of light, we talked about Jesus lending me a hand, we invited myselves into it. I wanted to stand strong today, for my 4-year-old self, and show him love, understand his tears, and hug him. There were more though; a teenager full of angst and rage, a high-schooler striving and feeling small, and even the last weekend me, a grown man who was feeling edgy and on the brink, after a great couple weeks of work…

They were just the start. I had invited these boys into a hug, a group hug, and then more came forward, almost instantly there were hundreds. In the center, I saw this light and the love of Jesus bathing and cleaning us all. Tears were washing away. On the phone with Megan, I was choked up, words were jumping across the airwaves, I wasn’t controlling them exactly. I told her that I did see the littlest face look up at me smiling. He was silently nodding, acknowledging this love and this moment. It seemed there was an agreement and a message. Not with words, but just love. Then the edges blurred, the forms faded, I was back into my chair, at my desk, in my house. I immediately saw a picture, It was all I could see. Dad was smiling 🙂

 

I felt different. I literally felt a tiny seed of my being, a compact and brilliant little speck of the real me growing… It was just expanding like a heavy gas. It was now the size of my body and just a little bigger, Waving both my arms I could barely reach it’s edges. My set-point was moving. I liked it. I could breath into it, bigger, deeper, I was relaxing into me.

The next morning, in the shower, I had a thought. Like every person, like every day, we have these thoughts rushing through us in normal moments, like as many drops of water. But this one was different. It was life-changing. It was a gift from God.

“It’s okay to really enjoy life, right now, under these exact circumstances.”

See this was a new understanding. Brand spanking new. Fresh. Delightful.

Can you blame me, for having believed the opposite for so long? Maybe you’re different, maybe you don’t see things this way, I hope so. I was operating from a place that looked like this: “It’s only okay to enjoy life a little bit. You know, you lost your Dad when you were 4 years old. You didn’t get along with your Step-Dad growing up. You are an angry person and have done many things wrong over your years. You’ve messed up a lot. You’ve seen suicide, you’ve quit your job, you aren’t exactly where you thought you would be by now. It would be rude to love your life, the way it is, without him, without cousin Megan, without doing more things better. It just wouldn’t be right.”

Yeah, uh, I guess it is hard to feel real great, for very long, coming from there…

So, I was set free this week. I was given a foundation-rocking truth. I am today, this morning, on 12-21-12 in a new-born world. The old one died. I’m cradling a miracle.

It is profoundly true that, “It’s okay to really enjoy life, right now, under these exact circumstances.”

As this gift came to me yesterday morning, I had circumstances. Being almost flat out of money right before Christmas. My car had not started the night before. I was about to begin working on it, in a snowy cold parking lot. There has been real tragedy in our world recently. There were reasons to choose to not feel good…

And yet, I felt compelled to think, over and over, all day long, “It’s okay to really enjoy life, right now, under these exact circumstances.”

Guess what happened. I had the exact amount of money show up, that I needed to get the car fixed. My Step-Dad Joe and my friend Kevin, showed up, completely open to helping fix the car. It all worked out perfectly. It wasn’t easy, but I was never upset with it. I wasn’t sheepish that I have an older car, that was broken and not a newer nicer one. I wasn’t hiding my little seed of myself from the world, hoping to just ‘get-through’ another situation. I was open and relaxed and enjoyed all the blessings that were pouring in.

I admired the moments of the day, I’m admiring strong sunshine right now. This isn’t a positive thinking thing. This is a New World.

“It Truly is Okay, to really enjoy life, right now, under these exact circumstances.”

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

 

$2400 in 2 Weeks

Post push, out of left field, fiercely focused and funneled, toggling between true work, and trusting the almighty, a major milestone was reached this week.

I hit a goal that I thought was completely impossible just two weeks ago.

It just took all I had, that’s all.

From the depths of despair concerning falling short, being between that Rock and that Hard Place, something magical did occur.

It feels surreal early this morning as I know it’s done. For Now.

There was something I had challenged myself to do. I used the tools and support and expertise of my Coach, the iridescent, magical and wise, Megan Sillito, to test me.

It is still boggling my mind that this financial goal has happened. In fact, I can’t even exactly describe how it all came together. In small chunks, in medium chunks, from every area of my life, little pieces were magnetized to an overall intention and together they formed a beautiful mosaic of achievement. Far beyond me, far beyond my ability, my capability, the threads that came together, are now a beautifully spun tapestry.

How much did it take? All of it. Where did it come from? Everywhere. Did I earn it all? Yes. Was it hard work? Absolutely and Not too. My energy, clients’ energy, the support of my wife, a flow formed moment by moment. It was impossible to step back, to analyze it’s progress. It wasn’t a forecast, then 7 steps, then a predicted result. It was upward action at times, at other times rest, even stressed rest, wondering what the outcome could be.

This post may be vague to you. Fine. I bet, however, if you look back at something amazing that has happened in your life, something that you half-chose, and half-chose you, it will have a ring of familiarity. I did not produce this result alone. I could not. This is not a moment of self-deprecation, however, just a truth, that one person alone doesn’t produce anything. It has taken a team, a working team of my Creator, my Wife, my Coach and my Clients, Others too, who had no idea they were contributing something profound to my life. More than a few bucks, they gave me hope. I crossed a personal finish line in a grueling marathon that I signed myself up for. People do that ya’ know.

Why? It’s the same reason for everyone, because we can. Because we want to grow. Because stillness is only good in small moments, otherwise it’s stagnation. Sitting in one place, mired in the ‘same-ol, same-ol’ kills us. These challenges feel like death at times too, but it’s the opposite. Real growth hurts, we’ve been taught pain is death, tragically. This pain is life. This pain is new muscles being formed. It’s the burn of the fire in the forge. The forge heats our mettle, we’re then shaped by hammer blows. Our raw form becomes usable tools. Solid, strong, a sharp edge, to be put to work, to His work, time and again.

“Make me an instrument of your peace” starts the Prayer (attributed) of Saint Francis.

We can and will become that. How long will it take? Maybe a lifetime? Maybe forever? If we want to be that instrument now, we’ve got to endure the Blacksmith’s almighty hammer.

I am closer to becoming a precision instrument, for His will, every day. I can’t take credit for that. I will get the reward of my work. Amazing idn’t it? 🙂

If you haven’t done anything Astounding in awhile. If you haven’t Astonished yourself in awhile. Let’s Talk. The world needs You. We need the Best of You 🙂 Now 🙂

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols

Let’s Talk Rock

Purposely stick yourself between a Rock and a Hard Place.

That is my advice today.

Oh, you think that sounds uncomfortable? Maybe stifling and stressful? Lonely, depressing, frustrating and exhausting? Yeah, it is. It’s not nice or easy or relaxing.

It is amazing though.

There is a part of you, that you rarely let come out to play. It’s in your heart, and your gut too. Some versions of the Bible may say it’s in your bowels. Anyway, it’s in there deep. There lives power in you. It is profound and able to shape life. Your life, and those around you. To tap into it, we’ve got to be in the vise. In the pressure cooker. At least I do.

Some people seem to access their inner well of creativity and energy easily.

Not me. I’ve been identified, by my world-class coach, as a risk-taker. This means that normal levels of risk don’t affect me. Like a druggie who doesn’t get high anymore from a few small puffs. I need the hard-core stuff. I need the Rock and I need the Hard Place.

So that’s where I’ve been lately. Stuffed down in a slice of space between immovables. Truthfully, it’s been about money, about a commitment I’ve made. A bite that was bigger than I could chew. I don’t like to fall short of my commitments. Meaning, it rips my guts into pieces, to have a conversation like;  “I didn’t do, what I said I would do.” There; that’s the Hard Place.

Let’s talk Rock. I do by Grace, have a Rock in my life. Jesus is with me. Through all this crazy self-induced turmoil, I have grown to know this force of God. I have grip always when I steadily commit to keeping the Word as part of my week. Along with every junky trap, I snap upon myself, He abides. His Love, Real Love, Blows My Mind, Body and Soul Daily.

So there.

What happens when you really feel the heat and pressure between a Hard Place and The Rock? Combustion Baby! Explosion! We expand, our pistons crank. We shift, maybe even imperceptively slightly, but we do. My week proves that movement is inevitable. Our soul can’t be kept. It won’t stop. It isn’t capable of stuck-ness or stagnation or sitting still. There is always motion available. There is always a new perspective. There is surprise and release that energetically goes up, when we go down… into the deep dark hole.

What happens without the Hard Place? I’ve been there. Life is pretty fine. It’s Beige and Neutral. It doesn’t really hurt. It’s not too exciting. Maybe perfectly grey, for some, is bliss.

What happens without the Rock? I’ve been there too. We keep digging, we keep filling our empty hole in our soul with stuff, or liquor or another solution after the other hundreds of solutions that were going to work before. We try and try and try to fix it on our own. Impossibly.

We need them both. An impossible spot makes room for miracles. How does it happen? What are the mechanics and how do I explain, how it can work for you? I don’t know. I can’t tell you, how yours will go. Find that Rock first. Then invite the Hard Place in. That would be a smarter way. I do things backwards. I’m a risk-taker. I try to do it myself first. Then I fail, then I cry, then I finally give up, and quit fighting. I become limp and flexible. I care so little that my bones disintegrate. When only Spirit is left, we can float. We easily slip, slide and even dance along the trusty solid surface of our Rock. And the Hard Place whines, powerlessly.

I was told this week that I crossed an invisible line. An important one. I know there will be many more to come. I write these words to reflect upon, next time I’m smashed and crunched, and dying of fear, alone, again believing a Lie, that there is no way out.

There is. With Him. Always.

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols