I’m not writing, because I’m stuck… right?

Because I’m a writer, I have a blog… right?

I’m staring again at this screen, without words and hoping ‘something cool’ will happen so then I can write, right?

Not really y’all. In fact, lately, I’ve been getting the hints, that just about the way I look at everything is backwards.

I’m not writing because I’m stuck – is backwards. I’m stuck, because I’m not writing.

Because I’m a writer, I have a blog – is backwards. I have a blog, and write on it, therefore I’m a writer.

And the ‘cool thing’ I hope happens, so then I can write, doesn’t happen while I’m again double-checking my email I just checked, or watching another YouTube video, hoping inspiration shows up. Nope. It shows up, when my fingers start moving on these keys.

Truly, I have no more ability to write or express myself than any person reading these words. There is only one small thing different about me that has created this 3 year old blog project. I have written on it.

Simply put. I am not a well-toned athlete, because I don’t regularly commit myself to train and exercise. It’s not about whether or not I ‘am’ this or that. It’s about what am I creating, what am I developing and practicing to improve in my life. A blog like this has done cool things for me, I’ve shared and communicated with people, it’s neat. It’s also nothing that anyone else out there couldn’t do.

It’s basically free. It could be completely free, except I choose to own my domain name, but it’s not required. I have a computer. Most people do, or you could use a phone, or go to the library to do some blogging.

It’s only the act of this typing, that makes me a writer or a blogger, or whatever. It’s the action that produces the description. Not the other way around. I am only a writer as long as I keep writing… It can end at any time, I quit.

So, what else in my life, have I believed I can’t have or be, because I’m ‘not’ one of those people. I’m not gifted or talented enough to do certain things, be certain things, have certain lifestyle options, or even ‘stuff’?

This is so darned hard for my little pea brain to really wrap my mind around, but it is simple. This week on our whiteboard at the restaurant, I wrote another Dusan quote, “Wanting something, and being willing to get it, are two entirely different worlds.” Wow, I guess I have been willing to ‘get me a weekly blog’ created. Maybe you want to do the same, good idea! Go fer it!

Maybe you want something else though. Maybe you want stuff you believe you can’t have. I do that alot too. I wonder if I will take this message really to heart today? Or if I will just plop out another thousand word post, to merely shrink back into my normal ways, after making a bold strong statement publicly online? Hmm… most times it’s the latter.

So can I flip the script? Can I see that I’m seeing backwards? When I say that I am, or I am not, __________ (something), can I see the truth that it’s the other way around? Can I see that since I am doing ________, then I could currently describe myself as _________. It can change. Or will I forget, and lock myself back into the self constructed little prison of my ego. Repainting the walls again in my little box and claiming how righteous and important it is to ‘Be Me.’

Maybe I’ll try some new action. Maybe I’ll step first, then describe my path. But probably not. Truthfully Y’all… I feel that many days, are repeats of days before. Without inner change, without forward motion, just a re-hash of old crap, jumbled up in a new way. I get mad and blow up. I ‘turn-off’ and detach. I display 0.0% of the Christ-like-ness that I would like to…

So there, another post on this blog. Another little insight I want to share. Another idea that could land in the right place, at the right time for someone. And the danged-old-darned truth, that for me, many times, I’m re-creating the same old broken record crap, over and over again, even though I detest the tune.

That’s weird right? I wonder if it will be that kind of weird for good? Maybe sometime, I’ll start with a new action. A new way first. A different swing, that will feel funny, because I haven’t done it before. And then it can become the new way. A better way, or maybe just different, will be good enough.

Sincerely,

Aaron Nichols