asdkjsdlkajgoien nkodnl oioi i loladovb ol ppo . poei ldk dso ci nmm lamb of god lakd aasld lake of fire any way out let me go let me out I wanna leave this place you aren’t a fun body to haunt I am not kidding here, It’s been long enough I want to go where it’s fun again you have taken my play away i am legion for we are many…
That was crazy.
What you just read are the actual clicks of the keys that happened when I just decided to start typing two minutes ago. Just gobbeldy-gook on the page to begin the blogging process today. Who was talking there? Who was directing my fingers? Was it me? Was it a demonic presence inhabiting my earthly flesh-bag today? Was it just a residual memory popping back up, like watching a movie, then dreaming about it that night?
I don’t freakin’ know. That is just the point today. I don’t have a clue how my mind really operates. It swings so wildly from one end of the spectrum to the other. I ‘get’ that I don’t have to listen to it, I have power over it too. Yet it’s such a mystery! I have been shown insights by experts and mentors, family and Jesus too. Really though, I am baffled sometimes at what my mind conjures up. It’s scary even.
This brain of mine does seem to be on demonic auto-pilot sometimes. I’ve spoken here about anger and lashing out. Which happens as quick-response fiery temper boils over. I’ve spoken here about divine beauty and appreciation of the smallest lessons unfolding day after day like perfect white linens in the sunshine. So which of these is me? What is my mind, or my life really like? Angelic or Demonic? Hmmmmmmm……..
Seems to be all of it. A Spiritual Battle raging forth and back, back and forth. The heavenly vs. the earthly. The flesh doesn’t feel weak to me, it feels strong. The spirit must be supremely sublime though in it’s power. It does tend to win even without fanfare or trumpets claiming victory, it does so in quiet spaces…
(If this is new to you, or too weird, click away now. I implore you. At this point in the blogging game, I’m freestyling off of the craziness that came from just starting to move my hands upon the keys. What am I supposed to hear this morning? Or share?)
The tension feels all too real sometimes. I do feel caught in this age old storm. I find it hard to back away, get the real big picture. In the bird’s eye view. I do even know that I am choosing to ride these waves, and have ability to get off the ride anytime, quieting myself, retreating into the depth of my heart, feeling the overwhelming calm of the ocean, right inside where I’ve asked Jesus to reside…
But sometimes, too many times, I just Don’t CARE TO!!!
I’m going CRAZY!!
I’m LOSING IT!
I’M PISSED OFF!!!!
or is it me?
I see a little baby, like we all were. Every one of us, coo’d over and smiled at. Doing nothing but eating and sleeping and filling tiny diapers. We were all loved beyond imagination. We had all the possibility and wonder of the consciousness of the universe wrapped up in a sweet smelling little bundle…
That was me too. Angelic…
Exploring the depths of hell and heights of heaven, may be what I came here to do. It seems that way. Although the phony plastic christmas commercials seem to say otherwise. Heaven all the time. Pure white with glittery-sparkles shooting out of my booty is how all of life is, and especially on buy-junk-on-black-fri-Day. Or is it, Big-Box-Feedlots full of brainless moooo-ing cattle? Kinda depressing, huh.
Yeah, when I look at the truth, through the lens of the culture. It ain’t no white christmas.
There is darkness here tooo. They don’t show us that though.
During Bible Study one morning we talked together about whether or not demonic possession is real today. Are those old dusty stories and parables relavent? Did people used be inhabited by devils? And nowadays they are not?
I don’t know. I do know this. I didn’t make up that little paragraph at the top of this page, for dramatic effect this morning. I just started to let the fingers go. Maybe by the last line, I had locked into the remembrance of some verses from Mark, and it was all a just a flash of mental regurgitation. Pop! A dream moment, that I awoke from, seconds later…
Not sure. Maybe someday I’ll really know. Or maybe I do know, and I’m still afraid to really look at that truth.
I know however, that once again, I’ve moved one tiny fragment forward. Jumping to another floating chunk of ice, in the frigid winter ocean. The current is moving in a epic global swirl. Right now, from this little windy perch, with crashes and splashes and salted icy-brine sticking to everything, it’s hard to see Tahiti.
It’s the joy of the presence of the Christ Jesus in my life, that has opened me up, to share such crazy crap with you all today. Be careful, when you invite him into your life. You don’t know what you may be asking for. A trip down the rabbit hole could be deeper than you ever imagined, and I’m just getting started 🙂
Merry (real) Christmas Y’all 🙂