When I said that “I wasn’t sure that our kiddo was as cute in person, as she is in the pictures.”, I was kidding! Ha! Of course I was. My mother looked at me in pure disgust when I said that little line to her the other night. She was setting me straight!
Actually, what I meant to say, is that; Yes, we were able to capture some very cute photos in little Joella’s first couple days with us. Yes, we got lots and lots of compliments on how beautiful of a baby she is. Yes, as a proud daddy, I was always glad to hear those words.
On the other hand, our sweet little angel Joella, has also torqued up her cute face and let out some loud cries as well. Her milk-drunk rolled-back eyeball look, can be spooky for a split second. She has lots of different looks. Like an ever changing kaleidoscopic that converts constantly in front of you. I could just sit and stare at her all darn day…
And if I did, I would notice that some of her faces are cuter than others. It is true. Yes Linda, sometimes this little lady, isn’t soooo certainly cute. Wow, even typing those words is kinda hard for me 🙂
The point is this: I am a person with some beauty and some beast in me. I want to pretend sometimes that all is hunky and dory and perfect. Just like these brand-new baby pictures, we as people are enthralled with a pure expression of newborn health and joy. We see the best part of ourselves in these picturesque moments of unspoiled youth…
We want to forget that sometimes, we aren’t cute. We can deny while staring at a precious babe, that our blemishes exist too. The balance of dark and light, the yen and yang, fade and we just see the crystalline pearlescent glow of new life. A blinding light reflects through us, tiny droplets of pure love hang impossibly on gossamer of wonder and joy.
Each and every one of us, was that way once…
I suppose in moments, such fleeting flashes out of the periphery, we see ourselves there again right now…
Maybe you do. I hope you do. Someone you love, sees you that way right now.
I however tend to notice that darkness. The gummed and dirty corners of the windows of my own soul, I notice too much. A smear here, of a past mistake. A cracked and broken relationship never really mended. Fears and angers snort and gurgle, their teeth gnaw at my insides, I bleed and tear. I know that my own self contains deep black darkness, along with some light. I notice the negative too often maybe, when it comes to looking in my own personal mirror.
Maybe that’s why I feel compelled to point out, that showing only the prettiest of pictures, isn’t showing all the truth. I use this place here to show more than just the pretty side… of me.
So then, where do we define our own personal beauty? Do I add up all the best of myself, showing you my grand total, hoping it’s enough? Do I cut a clean cross-section and allow all the layers to expose their own truth? Do I really lean in, and leave every last judgement up to God, releasing myself of those duties… whooooo… terrifying…
But really. We love seeing beauty. I wonder what happens though, when it fades. When youth rusts and the oxidized pits of age, of experience, of intentional sins, paint us black?
Can we see ourselves again someday, as Jesus sees us. As a newborn babe in the first precious hour after birth? Can we be new, unblemished, full of possibility again and ever again? Seems almost impossible to me. But that leaves a tiny droplet of hope, of wonder.
I ask you today, to notice that speck, that hint of smile, that we are all still shining beautiful bouncing babies in the eyes of our Creator God Almighty.
Thanks be to God.
Have a great week my precious friend.