“I’m not sure I’ve emotionally let go of it yet.” was a powerful statement that my Sister, Jessica, blessed me with last night.
Sure, she may have been talking about her house, and how she and her husband, Brett, have plans to sell it and upgrade, but her message was much bigger than that.
It struck me, that if she’s still attached, and knows it; that the whole process of selling it may match her true desire, to stay attached to this house she loves, until she doesn’t.
Wow, what have I not “emotionally let go of yet?”
This week of the New Year, has been full of contemplation and conversation. Goals and dreams and a fresh start. An evening to talk with my Wife about what we want our life in 2013 to look like. A session with my Coach to discuss my core desires, the stuff on my insides, that will shape my outside world, in 2013 and beyond. Because, that’s how it works, from the inside-out 🙂
So, what am I enamored with, and yet want to move out of, move beyond and upgrade?
Truth is, when I apply Jessica’s question to myself, I see this lifestyle of the last 2.5 years. What an adventure! What a transformation! What a scary-ass ride! Day by day, living on the edge, sometimes feeling the burn and sting of failure. Sometimes the black depth of depression. Sometimes a lostness and solitude, apart from an ‘old life’ that I knew so well.
It’s had amazing triumphs too! Becoming a new person through Christ has brought experiences beyond words. Proving to myself that I can survive circumstances previously unimaginable. Sobriety. Travel. Marriage 🙂 All on my last dime. Living and giving and saving nothing. Putting it all out there, turning away from my demons. Creating.
I do ‘want’ my life to look different than it does today. I do want to have a thriving coaching practice that serves people in amazing ways. I do want to bring to our family a more stable and much higher income too. I do want to move out and beyond the first risky and bumpy baby steps of this process… But Dang, ‘I’m not sure I’ve emotionally let go of it yet.”
It’s gotta be subconscious, but I love the underdog! I love the struggling, starving artist. I love the brand-new pathway that must be cut through the jungle. Machete in hand, and step by grueling step. I do dig that, and I do LIVE that! In the thick and foreboding jungle of Princeton, Kansas!
So, I see the issue, right here, right in my face. Thanks Sis. If I really want to move on, to move out, to expand myself to the places that I’m claiming I want to go. Then maybe I’ll have to take a moment or two, to appreciate, love and release the place I’m in today. If I do let go of it, and emotionally understand that I can be just as adventurous, just as out-of-the-box and ‘weird’ in my next phase of this career and life-path, then, then I can truly see it happening and unfolding right now. I can even feel good about forward progress, knowing that I’ve made peace with where I’ve been. Knowing that I have given thanks, shown gratitude and truly appreciated the path I’ve been on ’till now.
Time for a new adventure to begin. Time is now for another new fresh start. It’s unfolding with each choice we make, each step we take. Our steps don’t take us, we take them. I am ready, and moving. If I’ve been walking in circles, it will only take a tiny adjustment to find I’ve broken out of my rut, and have new territory to cover.
See you out there, on the journey, where adventure lives, always!