Calm, serene and quiet, with nothing a but a few smoky wisps of ghostly-transparent thought are inhabiting my normally overpopulated, noisy, jam-packed mind, crashing with idea-collisions by the hundred, second after hectic second… Why?
Well, I can’t explain it really, but how about a short story of where I’m at, and why it’s unusual to me to be feeling such a surreal sense of mental peace.
To date, my ‘jumping-off’ journey into the world of work-at-home entrepreneurship has been a thrilling, fulfilling and fantastically frightening ride. The year has had tons of ups, downs and out-of-left-field surprises… This night being one.
The honest truth is that tonight, my mind is only full of peace and stillness…
It feels really gooooooooooood.
That is why this blog post lacks a fiery impassioned rant, or a heart-shatteringly deep slice into my psyche… Right now a grey-blue fog simply exists where all that other junk usually boils and explodes between my ears…
The knee-slappingly ironic circumstance is that at this exact time in my journey, I have the least amount of extra monetary cushion, a dried up pool of upcoming work, or even the slightest glimmer of possibility of helping someone through coaching…
So where is this confidence and peace-of-mind originating from?
I can’t say for sure. I am very happy to have it however. Truth is, we are all searching through life to get to a point where we can relax and be peaceful with a strong confidence and peace-of-mind, right??
I know that one year ago, my financial reserves were fortified for a long drawn out battle, and a stingy winter of slowly depleting resources, and I was waaaay more tense than I am today. I know that pushing and striving toward goal after un-realized goal, left me mentally exhausted and twitching with twinges of worry, day by day. I lamented at the painful cracks and crumbling relationships between those I loved as I changed my own direction and found myself solitarily stepping forth on my trek toward the unknown. I had broken ‘expectations’ of how this whole journey was ‘supposed’ to go…
Maybe we’re working toward an answer here for tonight’s “peace conundrum”… With over a year in the trenches, with losing small battle after excruciating small battle, am I finally starting to feel the tide of war turning? Naw, can’t be, I haven’t carefully calculated and executed techniques to create this specific solution in my brain. This feeling originated from a place much deeper, more guttural, someplace waaay dooown there.
Have my experiences in this adventure hardened my heart? Have the challenges that I’ve survived prepared me for this moment? Is all the knowledge that I gorge on day by day finally becoming part of my hard wired operating system? Does the warm and loving presence of Lindsay, my amazing girlfriend, complete me? Or, has the tiny seed that started a few years ago as my spiritual rebirth finally taken an iron-grip root? Or have I slipped ever so slightly over the edge of sanity, and am feeling giddy during the free-fall?
Honestly?? I can’t answer if it’s any one or all of these things, but I SURE DO LOVE IT!!!
Hell, I just may jump for joy and shout Hallelujah from the rooftop!!!
Even if it’s just for tonight, I can tell you all that every ounce of energy put toward trying to become a better me, has been worth it! All I ever really wanted was to feel good about what I’m doing here on earth, and tonight I sure do!
The possibilities from this moment forward boggle my mind. The inspiration that consumes me electrifies every atom of my earthly form. The pure energy of love I feel tonight is like a wide strong river pushing immense force yet appearing calm on the surface.
Not sure y’all, what will happen next. It may be that the chaotic-mind-monkeys will be back in the morning. Maybe all the tension and anxiety of normal life is right around the corner, but tonight, honestly, I couldn’t care less…
I do care enough to point out that without a yearning for more, I would never have tried to push myself. Without my insecurities regarding my own lack of accomplishments, I would never have tested myself to grow. Without wanting to control my own destiny I would have never cared about climbing out of debt. And without caring about making a difference in other people’s lives, for the better, I would have never attempted to call myself a coach.
As of today, I have almost failed to accomplish everything I set out to do. This pioneering experience continues to teach me, and tonight, the lesson is nothing new. It’s all about the journey, and not about the destination. Thank You God, for supplying me with the tools, the drive and yes even the road less traveled, to travel upon. I’ll start up again tomorrow with my sights set on the horizon. It’s worked to get me this far, there ain’t no way I’m givin’ up now!
Thank YOU for reading each one of these words. Your attentive readership is fuel for my engines, and if these messages connect with you in any way, I’d love to hear how. Please comment below and share your story, it is every bit as important as the one I just wrote 858 words about. With all my love, till next week, g’bye 🙂